alone

i'm ashamed to admit that most of the time i live my life as if Christ alone is not enough...

that i have to rely on myself and/or others to fill in the gaps- to make things happen- to plan how things should go.

how long is it going to take me to really realize that He is all i need? that His grace is enough? how many times do i have to say it out loud until both my head and my heart really believe it? how many times will i stumble and fall? how many mistakes will i make? how long will it take me to realize this truth?

i am always reminded in the "bad" times of this...of how small i am and how big He is...but that is quickly forgotten when life is good again and all is right in my world.

i hate that i find it so easy to get caught up in my own life and my own little world- so easy to forget that life does not revolve around me and my wants, that there is more going on besides my petty complaints, that i am not the only person with problems and frustrations and heartaches, that what i struggle with has been struggled with before, that i am not the only one who has ever tried to handle things like this before.

as i actually type this out, i realize how pathetic it sounds...how dramatic it is...how selfish it really is...and how much of a difference it makes to just take a step back from your life to actually be able to see the reality of it.

so i guess i just need to be reminded that alone, i am never enough. i will never be enough to fulfill my dreams, my needs, my shortcomings...

and the good news in all of this is that i am never alone (even if i feel like it sometimes) and how grateful i should be that i personally know (and love...and am loved by!) the One who will never leave me or forsake me- who sacrificed the One He loved the most, for me- whose love is unconditional, mercy is abounding, grace overflowing, and faithfulness perfect...

JESUS, you alone are my portion...help me to not forget this...

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, " The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him."
Lamentations 3:22-24