Tear-drops

do you ever just cry?

for no reason at all?

or maybe there is a reason, but it's just silly?

is it from sadness or happiness or both?

is it from frustration or enlightenment or both?

is it from dissappointment or excitement?

i drove home today, 6 hours in the rain. sometimes is poured so hard i could hardly see the road. other times is was just a mist...

it reminded me of how i've been feeling recently. i've experienced pretty much every emotion...and today i think it caught up with me.

crying can be so cleansing and refreshing, just like the rain. it doesn't always solve the problem at hand, but it usually makes you feel a little better.


Isaiah 45:7-8
I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.

You heavens above, rain down righteousness;
let the clouds shower it down.
Let the earth open wide,
let salvation spring up,
let righteousness grow with it;
I, the LORD, have created it.

If At First You Don't Succeed...

...try, try again...

and that's what I did.

Today, I took the athletic training certification exam for the third time. Now I get to wait two-four weeks for the results...

...sigh...

I'm praying for a miracle...

SPECTACULAR...Day 2!

It was another beautiful day in Jacksonville. I got a call from Lauren after church, inviting me back down to the beach for the second day of the Sea and Sky Spectacular. I just had to go. I decided that I might not get an opportunity like this again...

Boy am I glad I went. It was incredible!! I got to meet some of the Red Devils, the official parachute team for the British Army, and the Black Daggers, the official US Army Special Operations Command Parachute Demonstration Team. I definitely got autographs and had someone take a picture of Lauren and I with Billy!

The fly overs were incredible. The Red Baron Squadron were awesome. Patty Wagstaff did an amazing low-level acrobatic routine. I got to see the Heritage Flight which consisted of a F-4 Phantom, F-16 Fighting Falcon, and my most favorite of all, the P-51 Mustang from WWII. It brought tears to my eyes.

The Blue Angels closed out the day. They were incredible. I have never seen flying like what they did. The perfection and precision of everything they did was incredible. I'm still in awe. It just made me even more proud to be an American. Our military is incredible...thank you for all that you do for our country!

Sea and Air SPECTACULAR

I think everyone should go to an air show.

It is pretty much the most incredible thing I've ever seen...

Thanks, Jami, Camden, and Matt for a great day at the beach!!

Binoculars

...they say hindsight is always 20/20...

how many times do we go into situations knowing that it's not really right and that the end result will be less then desirable?

i know i do it all the time...

i guess sometimes the risk of a bad ending is worth the journey to get there...

and then there are the times we go into situations thinking it will turn out great...missing all the warning signs...and in the end, hopes are crushed...

looking back, the warning signs are like NEON SIGNS...obvious, blatant, HUGE...i think, "how could i have missed that?!"

and sometimes there are no warning signs...you look back and you see nothing....nothing at all....

they say hindsight is 20/20...

but is it always?

most of the time i would agree...but not always...

is foresight ever 20/20? are things ever exactly how we plan them or hope they would turn out?

would i ever really want them to be?

i think a whole lot while i run...this can be both a good thing and a bad thing...a lot of times i'll play one scenario over and over and over again...i look back for the warning signs. sometimes i recognize them...sometimes i don't.

maybe my vision is just blurry sometimes...blurry in the good and blurry in the bad. i guess i just need to adjust the focus on my binoculars....or i just need to adjust my attitude.

or maybe i've been looking for something that was never meant to be seen in the first place...




So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18

Wanted

WHO KILLED CHEER BEAR??????



Reward offered to anyone with information on this crime.
Together we can stop Care Bear Hate Crimes.

Twick or Tweat!

Happy Halloween!!

Today I dressed up for Halloween for the first time in probably 15 years! I was a Care Bear....Champ Bear...everyone at work was a Care Bear. We were pretty dang cute, if I don't say so myself. Amber designed our tummy logos and helped me put them on the shirts. During our lunch break, we had a photo shoot. It got pretty silly...

After work, I went over to see Jami, Camden, and Matt. They dressed up as Jaguar fans. They were so cute in their jerseys. Matt pulled Camden around the neighborhood in a wagon....SO CUTE! Camden filled up his Elmo basket with lots of good candy...lollipops are his favorite. I got to pass out candy while they took Cam around. There were some really cute kids...and some really scary ones too!








My favorite costume of the night was a kid dressed as Stewie from the Family Guy! It was HILARIOUS! This was the most fun I've had on Halloween in a long time....my only regret is eating too much candy...ughhhh...

the CHAMPS!

The Red Sox win again! Way to go guys! I'm so pumped that they did it again. With a four game sweep over the Colorado Rockies, the Boston Red Sox are the 2007 World Series Champions!!



My current favorite player for the Red Sox is Jacoby Ellsbury. AMAZING! (I'm borderline obsessed...) He is just so fast! Ever since I saw a story about him on Outisde the Lines, I've been hooked! I love to watch him play. He did a great job for the Red Sox in the post season. I think Jacoby is going to do great things in the future. Let's go #46!!!



I can't wait for next season...

Spooky!

This morning I ran in the Pumpkin Run 5K with Jessica and her dad. The course went through a cemetery. It was an overcast morning, which made it extra spooky. Some people wore costumes. I saw Wonder Woman, a couple of witches, a fairy princess, a baby lamb, and a giant pumpkin! Could you imagine running in a costume?!? Overall, the race went really great! And I got to bring a pumpkin home...

I don't think my day could have been any better!

YAY!

McFarland is back to blogging!

WOO HOO!!



Welcome back, Matt...welcome back!



check it out: http://www.mcmcfarland.blogspot.com/

Holla!

This is a shout out to my girl, the one, the only, Courtney Couch!

She's pretty awesome! Always with a smile on her face and words to encourage, she lives every day an incredible example to those around her of the love of Christ.

Other things I think are pretty great about CC, in no particular order are:
-that I have my own key to her house
-she lets me come visit whenever I want
-her fun curly hair
-not having to explain what I'm thinking because she already knows
-Hank aka Crack Head
-her new bedroom furniture!
-her dance moves
-she loves sports
-getting to work at camp together
-she's training for a half marathon
-we share a brain


Fun times in the convention center at Jekyll


Matching tattoos...except one is real...and the other is not so real...


Vacationing in FWB is almost as fun as working in FWB! :)


Bridesmaids in Sharon's wedding (who also shares a brain with us!)


Working hard at Impact...

There is so much say...I could go on and on and on...Court and I have been through a lot together. I look forward to all the times we have ahead...

I am so lucky to have a friend like her!

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

Thanks for being who you are, Court! You're the best!

I Miss Moldova

I really do...

I miss...
-bumpy van rides
-drinks with no ice
-sleeping with no a/c
-eating weird food

-saying things in Romanian (ok, only like 3 things...)
-not having to say anything...a smile says enough
-VIVA...grapefruit soda
-julia

-violeta
-olesa
-naked babies
-my team- dooglas cooch, block...my seesters...bradushka and kitty...pauly...world traveler jon...
-being pushed out of my comfort zone
-fields of sunflowers

-not caring what was on tv
-my Russian brother
-not having a cell phone
-playing potatoe
-jon and vadim
-playing volleyball in a skirt
-doing everything in a skirt
-walking to the castle store to buy ice cream and fanta
-singing songs in three different languages
-communist barracks
-farm animals tied up on the side of the road
-incredible people who love the Lord


Ok, maybe I don't really miss drinks with no ice or the weird food...but my heart longs to be back there, in spite of those things. It is hard for me to type this and not cry. It was only two months ago, but it already feels like forever. I'm already forgetting peopIes' names that I tried so hard to remember. It is crazy how quickly life goes back to normal...how quickly my attitude has becomes less and less mission minded and more and more self-focused...how easy it was to get back into the routine and file away the trip as just another trip...

Paint it Black

Whenever I was having a bad day, my good friend AnnE would tell me paint my toe nails red. Why? "Because red toe nails make you feel sassy!" It makes a bad day turn around...just try it! It really does work!

Normally, I'm not a nail polish wearing kind of girl. It's just not me. It takes too much time and is borderline high maintenance. When I have it on and look down, I don't recognize my toes!

Sometimes though, I get a little crazy and decide to paint them...today was one of those days. I thought about painting them red, but wasn't really in the sassy mood...so I raided Amber's collection and settled on something a little darker...


Ta da! Black toe nail polish!! My feet look tough, don't they?! If red toes make you feel sassy, then black is for when you're feeling feisty! It says, "Don't mess with me!" It's kind of trendy and rock star-ish too! (Both things that I am most definitely not! haha) My toes definitely go with my tough looking tattoo though! hahahaha!

I'm not sure how long it will last...but for now I'm looking forward to the reactions I'm going to get to my painted piggies from my friends!

rain, rain, GO AWAY!

It has now officially been raining in Jacksonville for FOREVER! We can't get a break! And I don't mean it is just drizzling...it is pouring...monsooning...raining without ceasing...


This is what it has looked like outside everyday...from sunrise to sunset...people are starting to be depressed...


Puddles everywhere...places are flooding...roads are being closed...it's crazy! Our retention ponds are about to overflow. There is no place for the water to go!


These are my pants after the football game last night. Thanks to the rain, there was standing water on the sidelines...which quickly became mud...sticky, smelly mud! The players were covered in it! I was covered in it! I had to hose my pants and shoes off before I could bring them inside. What a mess!!


The rain did stop for a minute today...just long enough for Lauren, Solin, and I to go to the beach! Even though it was slightly overcast, it was wonderful! I even got a little sun on my face!!

The forecast is calling for a little more rain tomorrow...

....sigh....

the Brave Little Toaster

Have you ever seen that movie? It was one of mine and Amber's favorites growing up. The little toaster and his friends embark on a journey to find their friend...he was so little, but oh so brave!

I wish that I was brave...I wish that I could just pick up and go...do something different...take a risk...be adventerous...

I have so many friends that are doing so many cool things- mission trips in other countries...jobs far from everything and everyone they know...

I guess I just often question whether or not I'm doing the right thing...am I missing out on what I'm really supposed to be doing? I know I'm still young, but part of me is afraid that I'm missing out...is there something else I should be doing? Or am I just playing it safe?

Do you ever feel this way?

If you could go anywhere or do anything, where would you go? What would you do?

A Few of My Favorite Things...

Just a few things that have made me happy this week...

1. sunsets
2. my new job (and the water delivery man at work!)
3. movie time with Jess
4. my blogging friends
5. new books
6. the cd player in my car magically working again
7. phone calls from good friends...some close by and some that are far away!
8. football
9. clean sheets and shaved legs

AGAIN!

It has happened again, and not the last time it will...

...engagement...

Two more of my friends became engaged this week!

CONGRATULATIONS to Sarah & Mike and Christy & Brandon!

Mika

His name...different
His style...unique
His album...incredibly original
His lyrics...unlike any other






One of my personal favorites on the album, goes a little bit like this...

Big girl, you are beautiful...
Walks in to the room
Feels like a big balloon
I said, "Hey girl, you are beautiful."
Diet Coke and a pizza please
Diet Coke and I'm on my knees
Screaming, "Big girl, you are beautiful!"


And the SuperWOW favorite, "Grace Kelly"...

i could be brown
i could be blue
i could be violet sky
i could be hurtful
i could be purple
i could be anything you like
gotta be green
gotta be mean
gotta be everything more
why dont you like me?
why dont you like me?
why dont you walk out the door?

It makes me want to "try to be like Grace Kelly....mmmmm....."

Thank you, Mika, for bring joy to my heart and a smile to my face!

Just a thought...

Here are a couple of topics some friends and I have been discussing for a while...

I like what my friend had to say on her blog a few weeks ago...

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Intimidated
Here's another question I have been pondering... Why are people, guys in general, intimidated by girls who are independent?

My dad raised me to be an independent lady and to know how to take care of myself. He taught me all about my car and how to deal with situations, among other things. Girls who can hold their own or can carry on a conversation about football seems amazing to me. It's almost like a plus.
Needy, clingy and superficial girls doesn't seem appealing in my book! So why is that what most guys turn to?

Here's some advice to the all decent but clueless fellows out there...look around! Girls that care more about there shoes than their future isn't going to get you far in life. Think about what you really need in life instead of what looks pretty on paper. I bet your option will look a lot different!
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Hmmm....

Here is something another friend of mine said...

"A lot of guys are in relationships with gray areas. Why? Because they're afraid. Afraid of what? Committment. Why? They are afraid of breaking a girl's heart. Many feel like if they take any responsibility for a girl's heart, they have to marry it or else they'll hurt it..."

...not true at all...creating relationships with gray areas and not taking any responsibility for the relationship...that is hurtful. If boundaries are not crossed in relationships there never has to be a discussion of what that relationship is. Two people who are simply friends never feel the need to discuss that they are just that. But there seems to be a trend of Christians boys who get themselves into relationships with these gray areas, because they want to know exactly where that relationship is headed before they actually start the relationship...all under the pretense of "protecting the girls heart". In reality if they would be honest with themselves (and with the girl) there would be a lot less confusion, a lot less hurt and a lot more fun dating relationships. Dating can be fun. Boys- RELAX! IT IS OKAY TO LIKE A GIRL!! And more importantly...it is okay to actually DATE (yes, I said it..DATE) a girl without knowing that you are going to marry her. That is the whole point of dating!!! I have heard so many boys say "I want to marry the next girl I date". That is great in all, but WHO DOESN'T?!?!
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Now, I know these are two different topics, but both have been on my heart lately.

Please hear me...this is not intended to be a guy- bashing post. In fact, I mean it as just the opposite. I just want guys to know how their actions can be percieved. I want them to know that it is ok to get to know a girl, date a girl even, not knowing if she is the one you're supposed to marry. Yes, date someone who has the qualities of someone you want to marry someday...but please, take some of the pressure off yourselves...I want guys to know that Christian girls love that they intend to guard our hearts and protect us and not want to hurt us. But also know that our hearts first belong to someone else...someone who will never leave it or forsake it...someone who loves it unconditionally...someone who loves it sacrificially...someone who's love is wider and deeper then anything we can ever imagine. And because of that, we are willing to take risks when it comes to relationships. We are willing to put our hearts out there, knowing that if it happens to get broken, it is fixable...nothing is ever damaged beyond His repair.

Psalm 91

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."

Psalm 91:14-16

Why?

YOU speak without sound...YOUR love is so loud...YOU always save me...

Most of the time in life I have more questions than I ever do answers. It's frustrating...confusing...disheartening...

WHY can't I just know what is going to happen or WHY it's happening?

I don't think I'll ever understand WHY or be told why, but I am definitely learning the value in WAIT.

The theme of my life for the past few months has been wait. I have wanted to know why, asked why, prayed why, cried why...but the answer was then and has been lately, wait. Waiting has been so much more rewarding then why...but I don't usually see that until later.

This week we found out that my uncle has cancer...inoperable cancer. WHY? Why him? Why now? Why to our family? I will probably never know the answer to these questions, but what I do know is that God is in control. He has already revealed Himself through the whole situation. And He will be glorified through it. Knowing that is enough. He will sustain us. He works all things for the good...I'm glad that He is who my hope and faith is in...

YOU speak without sound...YOUR love is so loud...YOU always save me...

Your Love Will Never Change

Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
Psalm 31:16

They tell me there’s songs reserved for angels
Would you sing me one, a stranger
Just to prove your love?

They tell me you’ve given poor men kingdoms
And handed guilty freedom
And taken on their stains
And your love will never change
Your love will never change

They tell me that you dwell with good and evil
In alleys and cathedrals
Shadows and the light
They tell me that you hold the world together
Not from guilt, but pleasure
And you somehow know my name
And your love will never change
Your love will never change

So tell me there’s nothing that you can’t do
And you’ll love me though I’ve hurt you
And that you’ll take my blame
And your love will never change
Your love will never change

(Dave Barnes)

In a world full of change, it is nice to be sure of something...

My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
Psalm 6:3-4

In your unfailing love you will lead
the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
to your holy dwelling.
Exodus 15:13

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
Psalm 13:5-6

Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.
Psalm 36:6-7

Thank you LORD for your unfailing, unchanging, unconditional love...

For My Love

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love

(Bethany Dillon)


this is all I really want...is it too much to ask for? hope for? wish for?

I guess I'll just have to keep waiting.....

Day at the Museum

I got to go to the Jacksonville Museum of Science and History (MOSH) today with Jami, Matt, and Camden. They have a dinosaur exhibit right now. It was really cool! I loved watching Camden discover things and interact with the exhibits. He is the cutest 2 year old I have ever seen!


Camden is so excited about seeing the dinosaurs!


Check out that snake!! Matt and Camden are both not quite sure how to react...


Cam playing with the toys in the "kids only area"...they have a river simulation...very cool!


Worn out from the museum...what a fun day!

OH MY GOSH!

So tonight was my first football game with UC. It was so fun and very exciting...but not as exciting as what I came home to...

As I pulled through the parking lot, a snake slithered across the road in front of me...so I ran that punk over...



...but I just roughed him up a bit...



...which he was apparently not too happy about...look at that face! I think he might have a slight back ache as well...



To ensure that he would not survive- and to put him out of his misery- I ran that s.o.b. over a few more times- which brought the total to 8 drive-overs. I think that he now has a stomach ache to go along with the back ache...



Welp, those are my pictures of conquering the copperhead. This is a warning of what could happen to you if you cross my path on the wrong night...well, any night, if you're a gross-o snake!!

(and just so you all know, I'm really not as brave as I may seem...I definitely screamed, squealed, and said some expletives throughout the whole ordeal...just ask Courtney and Shannon, they heard it all!)

If he's still out there in the morning, I'll probably take more pictures....

....I think I'm going to have nightmares about snakes tonight!!

Beautiful

As I look into the stars
Pondering how far away they are
How You hold them in Your hands
And still You know this man
You know my inner most being, oh
Even better than I know, than I know myself
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child

What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I, what am I



As I look off into the distance
Watching the sun roll on by
Beautiful colors all around me, oh
Painted all over the sky
The same hands that created all of this
They created you and I
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God

And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I
That You might die, that I might live
What am I, what am I, what am I, what am I

What am I
What am I
What am I
What am I
What am I

(Shawn McDonald)

I'm glad that there are people who can put into words what I feel sometimes...

Gotta see it to BELIEVE it!

This is just a glimpse of the random goodness of my favorite place in Barberville...



You may think, "Wait! When did Kelli go on a safari?" I know that the gator, flamingos, elephants and giraffe might make it seem like I am somewhere exotic...but oh no, I'm just 30 minutes from my parent's house...

And that is truly just a glimpse of the random-y goodness you will find there...

Please try to restrain yourself from jumping into your car and driving to see this place...just make sure to plan some extra time on your next trip across Florida!